Dealing with Burnout & Finding Creativity

    

Some colours you might not associate with me
Some colours you might not associate with me



 There's a common line of thinking that the Warhammer community (the fans, not the website) only has around four jokes. This is false. There are five jokes. The fifth joke is that the Warhammer Community only has around four jokes.

    One of those four jokes generally revolves around the idea of backlog, hoarding boxes and grey plastic, usually bits and pieces or kits we bought on the fly or because it was new and shiny and human beings are essentially magpies. There are some pretty impressive pictures on the internet of hoarded hobby stuff that make me equal-parts jealous and relieved. But the sentiment that often surrounds these posts is that of guilt; on the one hand, it's sad that money and time has been wasted on items that might not ever be used, and that these items are taking up precious space, but I also think it's something else. I think part of the guilt of not having used the items also comes from the sense that people don't exclusively owe themselves the pleasure having them painted, but instead, they owe the concept of their hobby, and thus, feel guilty for not pleasing a concept.

    By the hobby, I don't mean the online community, nor do I mean Games Workshop or any actual person or establishment, but rather this idea of simulacra of self-actualisation within the art form we create. We imagine ourselves as painting either practical gaming figures or concepts more akin to traditional art, but when we fail to paint our backlog or paint them 'correctly', we fail to uphold some sort of promise we made to the concept or performative hobbying. This can lead to frantic painting and backlog clearing--people painting models that they're not really interested in, just so they're done, even if they're not motivated. 

(Note: this is super difficult for me to do, though I do it; I struggle to paint miniatures I haven't hyped myself up about .)

    I don't think we do this to simply feel better about spending time and money on unused models, though that is a part of that, because painting them doesn't get those resources back, but I think it's once again, trying to hold a covenant with a concept, wherein actuality, you're probably better trading those unused sprues with a friend.

    I feel this guilt; often it comes when I'm looking at the piles of sprue I've got stashed away, but also in my approach to army building and painting. I also think this is where burnout comes from.

    If you don't follow my antics, there's two main aspects to the way I approach my version of Warhammer: I like to paint using a 'grimdark', limited palette, and I like to paint larger army projects in this same style, unlike many others who have similar styles who usually keep to smaller warbands. Whenever I try to do a warband, it ends up turning into an army. I paint these armies usually to take part in Armies on Parade, which is one of my highlights of the year.

My Armies on Parade 2019

    My first entry to Armies on Parade was with my Harlequins in 2017, which consisted of around only 30 miniatures. The next year, my Sylvaneth consisted of around 50. 2019 featured two displays: my Deepkin of around 20 and my Genestealer Cult of a whopping 70+. As you can see, the amount of miniatures I've painted each year has increased exponentially for these events, which is great, as I don't think the quality has gone down, but in my effort to one-up myself for the sake of the hobby, and with the probable lack of Armies on Parade this year due to... unforeseen circumstances... it's made me reflect on what I want to do as a pseudo-artist in the community, specifically in the increasingly growing 'grimdark' corner of that community, and how my 'brand' is influenced by it and in turn, influences it.

    I definitely feel as though I've developed my own style over the last few years; when I set up my Instagram in late 2017, I was getting back into the hobby properly for the first time in a while, and my earlier stuff was very derivative, though I believe it has found a life of its own has time has gone on, and now they have their own signature. 

    But recently, not unlike those painters duly carving through their backlog, I feel like I've been making units for my army for the sake of it. I'm not really a gamer, though I wish I was, so when I add a unit to an army it comes more from a sense of fulfilling a concept or idea I have, but I've been painting so many models this year, it's almost been too unwieldy for me to give the love and attention to each one. I'm overjoyed with my Cities of Sigmar, and I think it's one of my best projects yet, but I can't help but feel that my style peaked with my Deepkin; now, I'm painting some Necrons, and they're great, but I feel as though I'm doing them occasionally to fill in a force-org chart for a game I unfortunately rarely play, rather than express my creative freedom.

    I think this comes from a sort of hobby guilt similar to what I discussed earlier. I feel like I've established a mindset for my style that has made it difficult for me to change and innovate. I like that my models get praise for their limited palette, but I owe it to my sense of creativity to paint my models in a way that I find inticing, not just ones that fit in with my current 'brand'. My attempts at more traditional art are a lot more colourful while still macabre, and that's something I want to explore more.

Some of my art from 3-4 years ago

    Ultimately, I think it's creatively unhealthy to give in to a sense of obligation to do things in the hobby just because you've imposed them on yourself. Warhammer is a very all-consuming hobby (and that's a good thing; there's always something to do with it). But that also means that you can fall into patterns of thought and habit around it that can hold you back from expressing yourself in a truly creative way.

    If you, like me, are currently suffering from a sort of hobby guilt related to a self-imposed deadline, brand or obligation, I think you owe it to yourself to create in a way that makes you satisfied without thinking you're betraying your creativity or self-actualisation. No way am I going to stop painting creepy and dark models, but I want to add some more colour and push my personal artistic ideas in a new direction based off what I want to create and not what I think I owe a concept.

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